Muggle Mania
by Whoa Tamo
Summary: What happens when a spell goes wrong and Harry Potter ends up in the middle of nowhere with a pissed off Draco Malfoy? This story! Read on! Now contains your daily dosage of SLASH.
1. Default Chapter

Summary- Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are lost in the muggle world together after a spell goes terribly wrong. Just.....read on. It'll be good, I swear.  
  
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own good and because I'll probably put in something slashified in the naughty department at some point.  
  
Author- Whoa Tamo the Psychic Spade biatch.  
  
Authoress Ramblings- Hello one and all! I've decided since my dramatic story did NOT work out (Stay calm Whoa......it's not their fault they didn't read.....well it is, but stay calm) I have decided to go back to my humor writing, as you people seem to respond to it more. Shame on you.....my other piece was very good and I worked hard on it, but NOO, you want this crap I threw together. Er, I didn't mean that! It's the sleepy talking! Damnit Whoa, you just lost another reader.......shit. Well, I hope you like this story......it has a pretty funny idea behind it, and I'm just hoping I make it as funny as it really is and all that crap. Damnit I'm babbling! I'm like fucking babbling brook.... Slaps head I've already cursed.....it's the first chapter in the AUTHORESS RAMBLINGS and I've already cursed.....OK, just read on.  
  
Chapter One- Muggle Mania!  
  
Draco Malfoy was just like any other wizard. He was polite, considerate, respectable, nice, well-groomed, loyal, friendly and above all, he was devilishly handsome. No one could deny it! His gorgeous looks were a force to be reckoned with! You could not deny the hotness of a Malfoy! Yet some people tried to, and that only made them jealous....like Potter for instance, he was extremely jealous of Draco Malfoy, I mean come on, with those stupid glasses of his and his friends and...ugh.....the list goes on and on. I mean Potter just didn't fit IN with the wizards; he was riffraff is what he was. So of course Potter blamed Draco 'Best Person Alive' Malfoy for their recent predicament.  
  
It happened exactly like this. Potter, being the ever jealous nasty little piece of shit he was decided to start a duel between himself and Draco. What a laugh he was! Absolutely PATHETIC. After a while he was crying out "Oh! Please don't hurt me sir! I'm just a misunderstood child with a weird scar! Ow! I have a headache! Ugh! Don't kill me!" and all that cal....now most people would just finish the little brat off, but remember, Draco was kind and considerate, and he decided he had had enough. Well you won't believe what he did! While Draco had his back turned, Potter had the NERVE to attack him with a re-location spell! Well, being the dolt he was, Potter sent Draco 'Perfect' Malfoy and himself away to muggle America.....actually, it was more like smack-dab, dumb-fuck NOTHING except for a few cacti and annoying dessert America. It was obviously all Potter's fault, yet he forced the blame onto Draco! I mean really, what an insufferable GIT Potter was! That annoying, stupid, big-mouthed......  
  
"Malfoy! Would you stop writing on that stupid parchment and help me out?!" Harry was starting to get frustrated....very, very frustrated. He was trapped in the middle of fucking nowhere with one of his enemies.....and to make all matters worse they were in America. Why did he have to try and transport him to Devil's Gorge?! Harry sighed an waved his shirt around anxiously trying to catch the attention of anybody that could transport them to civilization. He turned back to his 'accomplice' and gave an exasperated sigh. "COULD YOU HELP ME OUT HERE?!"  
  
Draco looked up from his parchment with an angered look on his face, then stood up off the side of the road. He wiped his butt of any dust and proceeded to glare at Harry. When he finally spoke his voice was icy enough to almost cool them down. "Let me tell you something you imbecile. It is YOUR fault we are lost in America, and I'll be damned if I have to help you fix your own mistakes."  
  
The boy-who-lived rolled his eyes. "Oh right Malfoy...yeah, it's my fault you're the greatest arse in the world and you have to insult me every single time you see me."  
  
Draco quirked an eyebrow and grabbed his own buttocks. "Oh, so now I've got the greatest arse in the world, is that it? Maybe you should stop being such a pervert and put your sweaty shirt back on, hmm? Maybe you should also keep your eyes in your sockets, aye?"  
  
The other boy threw his shirt at the blonde and growled at him in a dog-like style. "You're sick. You know what I very well meant, so keep that disgusting mind of your out of the gutter." Harry's face met Draco's school bag seconds later.  
  
"Keep MY mind out of the gutter?! I know what YOU meant?! Who do you think I am, Weasel?! I will keep my mind wherever I bloody well like it, and I do not think it is my duty to interpret 'Gryffindor' speech. So why don't you make yourself useful and get a fucking life?! Oh, and do me a favor, really, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!" He then threw the sweaty article of clothing into Harry's face, which contorted in disgust upon contact. "You're such a fucking Eagle Scout, you know that?! 'Oh, I'll just take off my shirt to flag help to us'. Yeah, right. Potter, you are worse here then you are at Hogwarts. I mean honestly, we get it already, you stopped Voldemort when you were fucking baby...just get the fuck over it!" Draco then snatched his bag back from Harry and huffed as he sat on the side of the road once more.  
  
Harry yelled out in anger, but stopped when a rather large gust of wind blew a cloud of dust into his mouth. The raven haired boy stormed over to the side of the road and was about to give the other boy a good screaming at when suddenly a truck stopped in front of them and the passenger's window rolled down. A man's head with a hat that said 'Foxy Grandpa' popped out of the window and looked down at the two boys. He put an arm out the window as well and gave a grin that had one glinting gold tooth in it. "Likes like you boys could use some help."  
  
Oh my sweet whatever.....I have actually finished the first chapter of a story.....I am so happy! It has been FOREVER since I've actually finished the first chapter to.....well......anything! Please review my story, I would very much appreciate that......oh, if you're wondering about the first two paragraphs, that was Draco writing on the parchment.....I don't know what the fuck he's exactly doing, but I do stuff like that a lot and I figured ince I'm a lot like Draco Malfoy it would fit if he did it, too. Besides....mine are always pretty humorous....then again I babble on about random shit. Oh, sorry for the language, but I have a big problem with cursing! It's a travesty I says! An absolute travesty! Anymoose, I hope you enjoyed this, and I WILL write more if you REVIEW.....I will I will I WILL. Just review. If you don't review then I'm not fucking continuing this....and I swear it only gets better....I mean come on, the first chapter is always one of the worst because it has to introduce us to the situation, blah blah blah......but like I said, I swear the other chapters just get better! This story is being written on sugar over-doses late at night by a psychotic teenager! I mean COME ON! What produces better humor then that other then drug induced cartoons (Ren and Stimpy, heh)? YARGH I AM BABBLING! Well, please review....I will reward you if you review.......if you're extra super-duper nice in your reviews then I will take suggestions for things to happen to them.......but YOU MUST REVIEW. OK, stop reading my random shit and REVIEW ALREADY.  
  
Over and out from Whoa Tamo, the Psychic Spade  
  
PS- Seriously......Ren and Stimpy was the shit. 


	2. Bumpkin USA

Summary- Something yadda yadda, see 'Chapter One' for summary.  
  
Rating- R, due to language and my personal goal in life to pervert everything I write in some way or another.  
  
Authoress Ramblings- You like me! You really like me! I could just cry my eyes out at the response I've gotten! Two whole reviews so far! I'm sooo happy! No, seriously....I am.....a review is a review is a review, right? Right. Anyhow, I'd like to shed light onto this chapter you are about to read. This chapter deals with America bashing and Draco being a bit on the estupido side, so please, do us all a favor and learn to deal. Hmm...let me see.....well, I guess I can ramble about the inspiration to this story. The inspiration solely came from an episode of Family Guy where Brian and Stewie (sp?) are trying to get home after Brian gets drunk and they lose their plane tickets back to Maine....yes, I will have some exciting drunk jokes (you can't have a humor story without a few drunk scenes) and I plan on continuing with my fun 'parchment' segments in the future, but I doubt I'll use them for introductions again.....that was harder to write then you'd think. Anyhow, read, review and above all....get off my property.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, or really anything.  
  
Chapter 2- Bumpkin USA  
  
The two boys waved good-bye to their ride and took a good look around them. It appeared to be that they were somewhere outside of California, but as to their exact location they had no idea. The two decided to simply ask the driver to take them to the nearest place they could stay, which had actually taken them on a long journey with their driver Baxter and his amazing useless trivia skills. Harry shuddered to think of how Baxter found out turkey genitals tasted surprisingly like chicken.  
  
So here they were outside of a sleazy motel that only appeared to have approximately...let's see....zero customers. Harry was about to walk through the door when he was stopped by Draco roughly grabbing a hold of his arm. "Oh, let me guess....'A Malfoy will never stoop so low as to sleep here!'." Harry said as he quickly pulled his arm out of Draco's grip.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes and shook his head before he spoke. "I think I should do the talking. I mean I AM in muggle studies, and we did just watch a documentary on muggles in America. Trust me...I think I should take care of this." With this said Draco walked into the motel with Harry close behind.  
  
The person behind the counter put down an issue of The National Inquirer and stared at the two boys with a bored expression on his face. "Can I help you?"  
  
Draco was ready for him. He puffed up his chest, pointed at the man with his pointer finger and suddenly developed a Queens accent. "Now listen here ya'll! This here is my cousin's baby's daddy, and I'm his lesbian lover! Now I don't want any fuckin' shit from you about me bein' a fuckin' home wrecker, because I take damn good care of him! I been takin' care of him since we was growin' up together with our three moms and six dads! It's not my fault they lost track of who had which baby, that's one of my mom's faults! So don't you go treatin' me like I'm a prize to be won because I AM WOMAN, HERE ME ROAR!"  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Harry wasn't sure what to do first- laugh his arse off, or try to correct him.  
  
"Oh, so that's how it is, huh?! I hate you, you bitch! You walkin' around town with your 'My boobs are so huge' attitude! Well with a few more upgrades I'll be more woman then you can handle!" Draco then snapped his fingers in Harry's face and twisted his hips around.  
  
The man behind the counter folded his National Inquirer and made to say something, but was stopped by Draco's left hand in his face. "Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it chico. AND YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ON NATIONAL TELEVISION?!" Draco screamed at Harry while the aforementioned held back tears of laughter. "Oh Gods baby, I'm sorry, come on, let's go get married again." Draco then dipped down on one knee in front of Harry and hugged onto his hips. "I love you two, I really do!" He then patted Harry's abdomen and stared at the man behind the counter.  
  
The man behind the counter sighed and wheeled his chair back to a board of keys, and lazily threw Harry one of the many keys on the hooks. "You'll be in room 106."  
  
Harry and Draco burst into the motel room with Harry in a strong fit of giggles. In the meantime Draco looked around the room in disgust and then set his eyes onto Potter. "What the fuck are you laughing at?!"  
  
The Boy-Who-Lived calmed himself down enough to speak, but still fought back giggles as he did so. "W-what documentary on American muggles did you w-watch?"  
  
Draco huffed loudly and crossed his arms. "It was actually a very interesting documentary called 'The Best of Jerry Springer', and with your reaction I'd say you don't understand American muggles in the least." Draco then took his seat on one of the beds in the room. He looked around and stopped in mid-glance as he realized he wasn't sitting on one of the beds....he was sitting on THE bed. "Sweet Merlin NO."  
  
Harry absent mindedly sat on the bed as well and tried his best to hold down his giggles. "What? It's just a water bed." Harry then stopped his laughs entirely as he registered the room for the first time. "Oh......one bed."  
  
Harry and Draco stared at each other for a moment, then down at the bed in question. An awkward silence wafted over them as they realized there wasn't a couch, chair or really anything else of the sort in the room. Harry coughed softly and was the first to speak. "Good thing we're lesbian lovers."  
  
Whoo! End chapter two! Damn am I cranking out these chapters or what? I must be a lot more bored then I thought I was. Don't worry.....I have some really great ideas coming up, and yes......they are along the same lines as this sort of thing. Poor Draco doesn't realize he just made a complete arse of himself....poor, poor dear. ::giggle:: Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and honestly, if you have ANY suggestions for bizarre things to happen, or suggestions for other characters or WHATEVER, please just tell me and I will do my best to add it in. Frankly, I only know that at some point they'll be going to Vegas, there will be a chapter devoted to Alfred Hitchcock jokes and eventually they go home.....but those aren't for quite a while! So please, make suggestions or this story will BOMB. Anyhow, I had a lot of fun writing Draco's Jerry Springer babblings.....it was so amusing, you could not believe it. The funny thing is I have a very good friend of mine from Queens and I based most of his ramblings on stuff we talk about....I've actually only watched Jerry Springer once, and I thought it was the worst piece of shit I had ever watched. Seriously, it was worse then Barney.....though the people were good for a laugh (then again, those Barney kids weren't exactly geniuses, if you catch my drift). Wow my rambling has gone on for long enough! Well, please review this chapter and I swear I'll be working on the next one! I PROMISE! I already have a vague idea of what I can do, but remember.....I need YOUR help.  
  
Over and out from Whoa Tamo, Psychic Spade.  
  
PS- I would like to thank my two reviewers!  
  
Bryjin- Thank you so much! I hope this met your standards, because I don't like the idea of getting hexed!  
  
Katrina- Thank you! I understand if you didn't read my fic.....the only person other then myself that read it was my friend Chris, and I forced him to. He liked it though, hee. I would love to contact you but I'm afraid I can't as I don't have email for some odd reason! But if you click on my name and go to my profile, the story is 'Cleaning My Closet'.  
  
Thanks again you two! You honestly made my day! Hug hug, kiss kiss! Ciao! 


	3. Bumpkin USA Part 2

Summary- Reference to the first chapter if you want a summary damnit.  
  
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own good.  
  
Authoress Ramblings- Dear higher being of some sort! A third chapter already! Wow! This is absolutely amazing! Well, I would like to thank my beautiful reviewers for having such love for my work.....you guys seriously make my day, you honestly do.  
  
The First Year- No, YOU are super SUPER great! I'm glad you had fun!  
  
Zine- Yes....laugh your arse off, babe.....MUWAHAHA!  
  
Oliver and libby- Yes, I do love you two (or maybe you're just one...hmmmm) and I'm sorry you were deprived of for 3 weeks. That must suck!  
  
Lily- I love you too.....I will not ignore you because I love people that threaten me....it makes me work faster. Ai shiteru!  
  
Bryjin- Thank you uber much! I'm glad I met your standards, and I'm SOO happy you reviewed my other story....I might even continue it now! I'm sorry the last chapter was so very short, but that kind of happens with me....I'll have a great idea and then I'll break it up into two ideas...I have no idea why I do this, but I do.  
  
Thank you again guys! I really appreciate all this attention my story is getting! But seriously....I want you guys to make suggestions for the future, because otherwise I'll end up repeating things I've done in the past, and that's no fun, right? Oh, and again, I'm glad people responded well to Draco's Jerry Springer speech, because I was afraid I may have lost some readers with the insanity of it, but I guess insanity is in right now, so INSANITY YOU GET! MUWAHAHA! I've also decided to skip ahead a bit with my ideas (see what happens when you don't help me?) and I'm going to plant the seed of Alfred Hitchcock....ew, not in that way! Gross! Get that mind out of the gutter!  
  
Chapter 3- Bumpkin USA Part 2  
  
"What the bloody fuck is this?" Draco was baffled. He was just starting to get used to the wobbly water bed, when he realized there was a great big black box against one of the walls with strange antenae sticking out of the top. He picked up a small rectangular....thing....with buttons all over it, and began to hit some of the numbered buttons randomly. "What is this supposed to do, teach me my numbers?"  
  
Harry looked in from the small bathroom that connected to the bedroom and rolled his eyes. "What do they teach you in muggle studies anyway? That's a remote control, Malfoy....it controls the telly?" Harry pointed to the black box, then returned to his previous task of washing his hands.  
  
Draco noticed the power button on the 'remote', and pointed it at the television, turning it on. He noticed two different sets of 'up/down' arrows on the remote, and began to hit one of the 'up' arrows. Suddenly, the television's sound went up to an unbearable height, so Draco hit the 'down' arrow so the volume returned to normal. He then hit the other 'up' arrow, and soon the picture on the television was changing. Draco kept doing this until he stopped on what looked like a very raunchy channel indeed.  
  
Meanwhile, Harry was starting to become frustrated with his enemy's lack of knowledge of the muggle world. 'Just stay calm, Harry, he's in the same boat as you...' his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of cheesy 70s music and odd noises. Harry stood in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom and dropped his jaw at what he saw. Malfoy was staring almost hypnotically at the screen, which showed two woman covered in whipped cream and getting 'help' cleaning it off by a rather robust man. Harry's face contorted in disgust and turned around back into the bathroom. "Malfoy, what are you watching?!"  
  
The blonde jumped at the sound of Potter's voice and immediately changed the channel to a black and white film called 'Birds' that was apparently made by a very fat man. "It's 'Birds' Potter, even though it's really none of your business." Draco called out as his heart began to finally slow down from the jolt it had moments before.  
  
Harry walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room and sat on the bed, making Malfoy bob up and down on it. He leaned back a bit with a bored expression on his face remembering seeing this movie once a long time ago. He had peeked through the slits on the door to the cupboard under the stairs, and he had watched the movie in a reflection of a mirror in the hall.  
  
The two sat and watched the movie rather quietly.....well, they made uncomfortable sounds whenever someone was pecked to death, but other then that they were remotely silent. They were about to turn the TV off when another movie came on, only this one was called 'Psycho'. Harry found it amusing and kind of ironic that they were watching a movie about a crazed motel owner killing his customer while they were in a motel, but Draco found it very disturbing. "Malfoy, take a fucking shower, you stink!"  
  
Draco stared at Potter for a few moments with an indignant glare on his face before he finally got himself up and went to take a shower. "Be sure to keep yourself contained, Potter, I know how much you want to see my great arse." Malfoy said nonchalantly from the bathroom as he began to strip out of his clothes and turn the shower on. "Ugh! This place is filthy! Leave it to you to get us stuck in a place with disgusting loos!"  
  
The boy-who-lived leaned back on the water bed and bit with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Would you like help cleaning?" Harry asked. Draco looked out over to the bed and onto Harry, who proceeded to lick his lips suggestively.  
  
The blonde turned a flaming red as he saw this and jumped back a good three feet. "You wank!" Draco yelled out an octave higher then usual while Harry sat back, laughed his lungs out and enjoyed the movie.  
  
Draco had had just about enough of this crap. He was absolutely sick of Potter! He wanted to leave this god-forsaken place back to England and NEVER return. His feet felt grimy on the floor of the shower and it looked like the soap had been used. What a bloody dump. Draco was in the process of cleaning his bar of soap when he heard someone enter the bathroom. "Get the fuck out Potty!" He was really pissed off now- first he has to take him away from England, now he has to disturb his shower? This was complete bullshit. He stopped when he heard hard, labored breathing coming from the other side of the shower curtain. He tensed a bit as he saw the silhouette of someone on the other side who appeared to be holding something in their hand. Malfoy's heart raced as the person began to slowly pull the shower curtain back.  
  
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT, POTTY!" Draco screamed as he hit the person hard on the head with the old bar of soap. Harry slumped onto the ground and with the shower curtain still in hand, pulling it down with him. Draco turned off the water and heaved Potter into the bathtub, curtain and all. "You should have listened, Potter." He mumbled as he grabbed the object the unconcious boy had been holding-a toothbrush (complimentary of the motel) and tossed it into a corner of the bathroom. He walked over to the small, dingy counter in front of the large bathroom mirrors and began to hit the bar of soap still clenched in his hand against the counter, but stopped when the counter began to crack. He threw the piece of soap onto the sleeping form of Harry Potter, slipped his pants on and walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room.  
  
The Slytherin jumped onto the water bed and swayed for a few minutes before it lulled him into a deep and dreamless sleep.  
  
Draco woke the next day feeling fine and dandy- that is until a loud ringing reminded him rudely of exactly where he was. He looked over to the ringing contraption on the nightstand and warily picked it up. He pressed all of the buttons a few times, picked up a part of it that was connected to a coiled wire of some sort, then threw the annoyance across the room, where it crashed against a wall and made one final 'DING!' before falling silent.  
  
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Harry was beginning to come-to with a very bad headache and a dull ringing in his ears. He sat up, held his head and rubbed his temples, but the ringing wouldn't stop. He was about to try something like running his head under some water, or maybe trying to lie down a bit longer when he heard a loud 'crash' coming from the other part of the room. The raven haired boy jumped to his feet and ran into the bedroom area only to be greeted by a pissed off Draco Malfoy glaring bitterly at a heap of plastic and mechanical pieces on the floor. Harry followed his gaze and stopped when he realized what had happened.  
  
"You smashed the phone?!" Harry yelled out at Malfoy, who jumped a bit as if he didn't remember Potter being with him.  
  
Draco soon caught his cool again and looked at Harry with glazed, sleepy eyes. "It was making too much noise." He mumbled before hoisting himself out of the bed. "You finally woke up, you stupid arse."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes indignantly and sat on the water bed with his head in hands. "You knock me out with a piece of soap, and follow up by killing the telephone....right....I'm stupid, hmm?"  
  
Malfoy growled angrily as he began a search for the clothes he had taken off so he could take his shower, and stopped when he noticed his boxers were plastered onto Harry's back. "Give me my underwear, Potter." He said snidely and held out his hand impatiently. When Potter only looked at him with a confused look on his face, Draco walked behind Potter and yanked his boxers off of his back on his own. "Wait until the other Slytherins hear how the-boy-who-fuckin'-had-to-live slept on my underwear in a BATHTUB." His laughter pierced the morning air while Harry picked up the alarm clock threateningly before they were stopped by a sharp knocking on their door.  
  
"Hey open up, I'm here for today's payment." The man from behind the counter called out grouchily through the wooden door. "You guys forgot to drop any deposit yesterday, so I had to come today.....now open the door."  
  
Draco and Harry exchanged panicked looks as one important thought crossed their mind- they did not have muggle money. Harry motioned for Draco to get into the bed, who's face blanched for a moment before he did so. Potter then walked over to the door and opened it up. "Sorry to keep you waiting, we were uh....busy." He jerked his head into the direction of the bed, and the man at the door looked over. "We were just getting ready, weren't we.....er.....darling?" Harry choked out as the motel owner stepped into the room.  
  
Malfoy threw a fake smile on his face and forced a laugh out. "We left the money in the on sugar lump, let's go get it." He then slipped out from underneath the covers of the water bed and hurried over to Potter, who was already taking steps back to get out of the room. The motel owner began to sit down on the water bed, but stopped when he noticed the broken phone on the floor.  
  
"What the-?" He asked under his breath. He stood up from the water bed and walked into the bathroom, seeing the damage done there. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He screamed out as he stormed back into the other part of the motel room. "YOU FUCKING QUEERS! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"  
  
The owner of the motel stopped in his tirade with an angry red face and fists clenched. He tore down the curtains hung on the window and looked outside to see that the two boys had jumped a car and were driving away haphazardly. The owner stepped back and sat heavily on the water bed. "That's it. No more cousin's baby's daddy's and their lesbian lovers, no sir."  
  
Holy shiznet......this chapter was hard to write, I must admit. It was hard to get the same type of humor I've been using into it, but you've got to admit...even though it was a different kind of funny, that was still pretty funny. I'm really glad I forced myself to make this chapter longer, even though something tells me I'm going to get complaints that this chapter was too short. Keep in mind my readers, this particular chapter is taking up 5 typed pages, and the other two took up......3? Something like that. Fuck I'm hungry. I think I'm going to write the next chapter through the perspective of Hermione and Ron, but then again I might not. I'm not sure. Oh, and I want to warn you now- I am most likely going to make this a slash fic, it's just taking me a long time. Um...lemme see...well again I would like to thank everyone that has reviewed my stories so far, and I want you to know I honestly appreciate it! Keep reviewing, and I am dead serious when i say this-  
  
MAKE SUGGESTIONS FOR STUFF THAT CAN HAPPEN.  
  
Honestly, this story will be complete shit if it keeps up like this, because my creative juices are making a very tangy lemonade indeed (that's a slightly inside joke of mine....it means that I have creative ideas, but they're not appropriate for mixed company, if you catch my drift). Let me see......um....I'm going to talk about inspirations. Whoo. Jhonen Vasquez, Family Guy and my own sick humor are responsible for this story, and I want to make this quite obvious. Oh, and Jerry Springer of course. Hey, who out there is watching 'I Love the 90s' on VH1? That is the funniest shit man, all of those 'I Love the (insert decade)' shows are great. Well.....uh......yeah. I apologize for this chapter, just because I think it was a little weird....yeah. Well, review anymoose!  
  
Over and out from Whoa Tamo, the Psychic Spade  
  
PS- Heroine is so passe. 


	4. BirdBGone vs Alanis Morissette

Summary- Read the summary in the first fooking chapter if you want it! Sheesh!  
  
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own bloody good  
  
Authoress Ramblings- This story is getting more reviews then I ever thought it would....I am so bloody happy you could not imagine. I'm so glad you all liked the last chapter, and yes I must say, I also enjoyed Draco watching porn. Also I would like to point out that like Jerry Springer I have never watched a porno....OK, I lie, I have once, but I swear it was only for a few seconds but even that much I thought was absolutely hilarious! Porno is just funny, I'm sorry, but you can't deny it...it is. Let me see.....well I am uber glad you guys are reviewing, and to show my gratitude I shall respond to your lovely reviews!  
  
Zina- I think I misspelled your name in the last chapter....I'm sorry! Anyhow, I'm glad you are still laughing your arse off babe, and I'm also really glad you liked the Psycho reference. There will be more Alfred Hitchcock jokes coming, so watch out!  
  
Tweak- I'm calling you by your chat-o name just because that's where I know you from and all that jazz. I'm glad you liked it, and I had a feeling you would enjoy the Jerry Springer thing. Keep reading this! I'm sure you'll at least enjoy it before it gets slashified.  
  
eyes0nme19- Hee hee, thank you! I'm glad you think it's very funny!  
  
Bryjin- Yay! You are close to being my new bestest friend! I pride myself in being fast at updating....if I weren't something tells me I would lose a lot of readers! Yes, this will get slashy soon, as I ADORE slash with a strong, obsessive passion! The slashy part will be funny at first, and will start through sheer randomosity (I love slash like that) but I'll probably have a sappy chapter where they do something they shouldn't be doing (wink wink). To answer your question, I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I know a bit. I'm nearly fluent in nadsats (the laguage in 'A Clockwork Orange'), I know a line of Hebrew (I'm Jewish....woo), a pinch of French and Spanish, a dash of German and a huge honkin' dose of Brit slang. Mix it all together and you get the way I speak....and I wonder why people can't understand me! If you want to know more about me, then check out my bio.....if you already did that then I don't know! Heh....umm......feel free to keep asking questions through reviews I suppose, or if you have AIM then IM me. If you don't have AIM then GET AIM. It's fun. My IM address is AnarchyMoose100.....so go ahead and contact me if you so desire. I may update the other story, but don't count on it.  
  
Bad-Azz-SlytherinChaos AKA Jessica- Thank you very much! Yes, this will be slash eventually, and H/D is also my all-time favorite pairing....I lurve it to death. Have you read 'Secrets of the Forbidden Broomcloset'? It's SOO good! I love that story! Until I started this story the only reason I would get online was to see if that story was updated or not....then I got a funny idea and well.....this random piece of insanity was born.  
  
Neko- I'm sorry your mum nearly killed you, but I am glad my story cracks you up. Yes, Draco going all crazy WAS very fun...in this chapter he goes all crazy again, because crazy Draco=laughs.  
  
Thank you once again for reviewing my story....you guys are the best, you really are. You know, I'm thinking if you all want me to....I could possibly put a chapter in here about myself, because I'm a pretty funny person too you know. But if not that's OK......understandable if you only like me for my writing. ::sniffles!:: Well anyhow, I hope you all like this chapter....it's already becoming hard for me to write, so if it turns out it sucks ass, then just go back to chapter 2 and laugh your arse off until chapter 5 comes out. Go on then, READ!  
  
Chapter 4- Bird-B-Gone Spray vs. Alanis Morissette  
  
"-And that was 'Toxic' by Brittney Spears." The man on the radio sounded like he was on a huge sugar high of sorts. Draco looked at the radio in the car they took and his face contorted in disgust.  
  
"I thought the muggle music back home was shit, but this stuff makes it sound like something angels would fucking sing. Who is this Brittney, and why does she suck so badly?!" Draco had been like this for the past hour. Bickering, griping......basically he was being a complete yarbles- less bastard child. Every song that came on he hated. Everything in the scenery he thought was dull. Harry was THIS close to kicking him out of the car....but if he did that then he would have to go home to very pissed off Slytherins, and they were angry enough at him to begin with. He was just about to snap at Malfoy for being so obnoxious when the blonde turned up the volume on the radio. "As much as I hate to admit it, I like this one."  
  
Harry was about to ask what song he was talking about when his thoughts were QUITE rudely interrupted by the lyrics. "I want you to know, that I'm happy for you/I wish nothing but the best for you both/An older version of me/Is she perverted like me?/Will she go down on you in a theatre?" The-boy-who-lived shot a quick look at Draco, who had his eyes closed and was nodding his head to the music.  
  
The driving of the two (AKA Harry) looked back at the road and gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh, of COURSE you like the really angry bitchy song! Oh, and movie theatre fucking sounds right up your alley, too! Look at your taste in porno!" Harry barked out over the music. Draco turned a bright red and was about to say something in return, but was cut off by his own scream. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Malfoy?!"  
  
Draco jumped back from the his window and nearly knocked the car off the road when he crashed into Harry's right arm. "BIRDS! THEY'LL PECK MY EYES OUT!!"  
  
Harry looked out the window only to see an abnormally large flock of birds that appeared to be chasing them. He slammed down on the brakes and hopped out of the car to escape Draco's screaming and watched as the flock of birds-which he soon realized were crows, so it was a murder-began to swoop down and attack the car......with lots, and lots of ammo. "UGH! Ruddy birds! Sod off ya bleedin' crows!" Harry yelled out at the birds as they continued to cover their car in a mess of bird poo. "Nasty buggers!" He screamed at them before he jumped back into the car, started it up and zoomed away from the flatulent birdies.  
  
It had now been three hours since the bird incident, and Draco was still shook up over it. Harry had a feeling watching 'Birds' was going to bite him in the arse sooner or later (like watching 'Psycho' had) but he had no idea it would happen this soon. He was very frustrated with the other boy at this point, as he had taken up to writing on the parchment again and he was constantly flipping around the radio stations in search of more angry, bitter songs. He found a few with the bands Linkin Park, Korn and Metallica.....but he was mainly in search for that one very angry and very bitter song sung by that perverted woman he had heard.  
  
"You know, our music back home is good, too." Harry pointed out to the blonde, but was answered with silence. He slapped Malfoy's hand away from the radio dial and turned it until he landed on a channel that only had music from the UK. He immediately regretted doing this, however, when he got an ear-load of the song's lyrics that was playing.  
  
"The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye/She's been feeling frisky since her husband said 'good-bye'/She wears a low-cut T- shirt/Runs a little B&B/She's most accomodating when she's in her lingerie..." Draco stopped his glaring at Potter for changing the radio station and smirked evilly, while Harry put his head in his left hand as he steered on with his right.  
  
Potter's stomach growled loudly, and he looked at the clock connected to the dashboard above the CD player. The time was 3:30, and he was bloody hungry. "Malfoy...stop scribbling on that parchment and check the car for money....or food. I'm starved." Harry muttered while rubbing his forehead with the hand holding his head. Draco only sighed in response, threw the parchment back into his school bag and begin to look around the car for any sort of money or food. He finally opened the glove compartment. "Well? Find anything yet?"  
  
Draco kicked the glove compartment closed. "I only found huge wads of paper and weird metal things in this little compartment. Honestly.....why would anyone keep paper?" Harry slowly came to a stop and looked over to Draco with a questioning look on his face.  
  
He un-buckled his seat belt and scared Malfoy as he practically climbed into the blonde's lap and reached out to the compartment. He opened it up and he stopped breathing. "Bloody hell......" He reached inside and pulled out the wad of money in there, and reached in again only to pull out a hand gun. Harry didn't even care when Draco shoved him back into his own seat, or when he grabbed the gun and began to fiddle around with it a bit. "Malfoy.....we're bloody rich!" Suddenly there was a huge 'BANG!!!!!!!' and there was a hole the size of a bullet in the roof of the car.  
  
Harry turned to Draco, who had dropped the gun onto the floor of the car and was staring with shocked eyes at the hole in the roof. Harry looked up at it too and then back at the money, only half caring that someone probably heard that and would come to investigate it soon enough. This didn't last long, however, when he started putting the clues together- huge amount of cash, two guns......this money was most likely stolen. He stared at the money and groaned loudly. "We can fix that." Draco finally mumbled under his breath. The blonde looked out his window while Harry began to play with his morals about what to do with the money. Draco's eyes stopped on a billboard that was behind them and squinted at it. "Potter, stop mumbling and take a look." He said as he pointed to the billboard.  
  
Harry turned around in his seat and stared out through the back windshield at the billboard for a place called 'Wal-Mart'. He turned to the money again and threw the bundle back into the glove compartment before putting his seatbelt back on. "How far is it to Wal-Mart?" Harry asked hurriedly as he started getting ready to drive off again.  
  
Draco turned back around in his seat and stretched. "It says it's four miles back in the opposite direction.....whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."  
  
Harry nodded with a crazed glint in his eye before slamming his foot onto the gas pedal and swerving the car around in a half doughnut, and began to drive off into the other direction with Malfoy screaming at him all the way.  
  
They finally reached the Wal-Mart with Draco in a very pissy mood, but Harry didn't care-he was going to buy as much supplies as they would need and drive the fuck away before anyone could track down that they had this most-likely stolen money. He wandered over to where the food was, and began to fill carts to the brim with random food things, then he walked around the entire store picking up things here and there. He stopped when he reached the entertainment section and saw Malfoy talking to a woman at the register. He wheeled over to them and listened in to their conversation...if you could call it that.  
  
"Look, it's a woman singing and she sounds really pissed on, I didn't catch her fucking name, you've got to help me out here!" Draco's face was a bit red and he was glaring daggers into the woman 'helping' him. The blonde looked over and saw Harry, then sighed. "Finally! OK, he can help out, he heard the lyrics....didn't you, Potter?"  
  
Harry sighed, nodded his head and began to explain the lyrics to the woman who stopped him and ran into a row of CDs, then returned with a CD by a woman named Alanis Morissette. "This is 'Jagged Little Pill' by Alanis Morissette.....the song you were talking about was 'You Oughta Know'." The woman behind the register said. Draco nodded impatiently and was about to take the CD from her when the woman began to speak again. "Yeah, you know it's funny you mentioned that song, because I played that to my ex-husband only last week! That man is so crazy, you know that? I mean he kept telling me this shit like 'You have issues' and 'I want a divorce' and 'I got a restriction notice' and 'I'll call the cops on you if you keep calling this number'. I mean for crying out loud, what kind of fruit loop was he, huh?"  
  
Harry looked scared, but Draco only snatched the CD from the woman, threw it into the cart and began to head over to the movie section. The boy-who-lived followed him with a look of paranoia on his face and glanced over the movies with the blonde while keep a look-out for that woman behind the register. "Hmm.....get these movies, they look interesting." Draco said as he looked over the Alanis Morissette CD with interest.  
  
Harry flipped through the movie titles and sighed when he hadn't heard of any of these titles. 'Donnie Darko', 'Fargo', 'The Big Lebowski', 'Resevoir Dogs', 'Resident Evil' and 'Dazed and Confused'. Harry turned to Draco, who was now looking at the movie 'The Borrowers'. "Malfoy, why did you get these movies?"  
  
Draco looked up from the movie he was holding and rolled his eyes. "Well after our little experience with 'Birds' and 'Psycho', I thought we could use some good....less terrifying film experience. Oh, and Potter, if you ever mention anything that's happened so far to ANYONE back at Hogwarts, I swear I will cut off your yarbles and make them your eyes, understood?" Harry nodded with a sly smile on his face while Draco continued. "Those movies had good things about them on the front, so we're getting them. Now hurry it up and get in line, Potter. I have Bird-B-Gone to find."  
  
The other boy looked at Draco and raised an eyebrow. "What the bloody fuck is Bird-B-Gone?"  
  
Malfoy sighed in an aggravated way. "I saw it on the....telly....last night. It's guaranteed to keep birds away from whatever you spray it on, or you get a complete refund."  
  
"When the bloody fuck did you see that? Was it before you knocked me out but after you watched porn, or was it before you killed the phone and after you knocked me out with soap?" Harry looked at Draco with a smug look on his face while the latter flipped him the bird and walked off. Harry waited until Draco was far enough away from him that he could make a clean get-away, but the boy could still hear him when he yelled out what made everyone in the store stare at Harry and Draco with great suspicion. "Don't worry! I won't tell anyone about our special movie experience in the motel, either!!!"  
  
Shit that was a lot harder to write then you think.....a LOT harder to write. If you're wondering about the title, it's only like that because I had nothing else to title it really. I'm not sure why I think this chapter is so bloody funny....it's even more different then the last chapter. And why is Harry such a fucking prude? I'm not sure why! But damnit, we love him anyway, right?......right? Well anymoose, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shittier then the other three.....it was so fucking hard to write and I had to plant SO many seeds into it so that later chapters would make sense. I tried my best though......I really did. OK so I didn't exactly try my best, but fuck, you do better under these circumstances! Shit! I smell chili...I'm hoping I'm not hallucinating like I was last night when I smelled split pea soup, but it ended up being someone's fart. They smell the same damnit! Ugh! God I am not pleased with this chapter at all....I'm really not. Well I just fixed it up, so I hope it's good now. Like I said, this chapter was VERY hard to write you know. Very......very very hard. Damnit I want chili.....OH! I would also like to make the following notes!  
  
Brittney Spears- I just wanted to make it obvious that I SO love Brittney Spears! I even have her picture on my wal.....NOT! She is a skanky dirty little whore and I despise her wretching that she passes off as music. She's a bitch and I want her to die. Though I will admit I have her picture....it's on my dart board next to Avril Lavigne (poser bitch) and Relina Peacecraft (anime bitch). Alanis Morissette- Alanis on the other hand I do like....I like her a lot. I've been getting into her and I think 'You Oughta Know' (the song Draco was listening to) is a very powerful, angry and bitchy song. I do not think she is a perverted bitter woman......I think she was just angry, like me. Birds- OK......that incident with Draco actually happened to me. I was at the car lot with my dad, and I had just watched 'Birds' for the first time...and I'm minding my own business standing next to a blood-red car (which my dad owns now) and next thing I know I see this huge murder of crows.....and it was like they were STARING at me. It was so fucking creepy that I freaked out and started screaming.....eventually my dad had to take me home. Yarbles- READ 'A CLOCKWORK ORANGE' DAMN YOU! Yarbles is one of the many slang words used, and it quite literally means 'balls'. "The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye..."- That is a wonderful song by a great British group called Blur, and the song is 'Stereotypes' off of their 'The Great Escape' album. It's an uber good song and I want you all to check out Blur....right now. I'm serious, check them out bitches. "Harry began to play with his morals..."- I have an image of a little devil Harry and a little angel Harry, one on each shoulder, telling him what to do. I'd say the devil Harry won. "Whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."- Note, they are BRITISH. In Britain they do not go by 'miles'.....they go by 'kilometers' because like the rest of the world, they go by the metric system, which is a thousand times easier to understand then our system. So, it's only natural for Draco to have no fucking idea what a mile is supposed to be. Register woman- GODS I love her. There's something about bad people who don't know they're bad people that makes me laugh on the inside. Bird-B-Gone- I am not about to completely expose what Bird-B-Gone is, but I'll tell you this...Bird-B-Gone is something I personally made up, it's a spray and it does strange things.......this is in here just so I can remind you I made this product up, so don't go looking for it and ask before using it in a story. Donnie Darko, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Resevoir Dogs, Resident Evil and Dazed and Confused- I love these movies with a strong and fiery passion. No, I am absolutely serious this time. I love these movies so bloody much. I also wanted to point out that 'Dazed and Confused' and 'Resident Evil' both have the wonderful Milla Jovovich acting in them, and she's on the cover of both movies. I originally was going to have Draco have a secret crush on her, because those two movies aren't exactly....well, they're not like covered in great reviews and award winnings like the others. I decided against the Milla Jovovich crush on Draco's behalf, because he wouldn't know who the fuck she is in the wizarding world, but I would like to point out that I sort-of more-or-less have a thing for Milla Jovovich....I mean sure, I have her picture on my wall, big deal.....she's hot, OK?! The Borrowers- AHAHA! Now why the fuck would I put this movie in with those other violent (and stoner) movies? For one VERY good reason. Watch that movie.......then watch Harry Potter.....there are two actors who are in both movies. First of all Tom Felton plays Peagreen and Draco Malfoy, so I HAD to have Draco grab the movie if not solely for that reason. The other actor plays the exterminator, and he plays Mr. Weasley. I love Tom Felton with a fiery passion as well, so that's why I know that piece of useless shit about his career....he was also in the remake of 'Anna and the King' and he played Louis....he is cute in all the movies I've seen him in, too. Especially The Borrowers, though! If you have not seen it, then go watch it! He is adorable!  
  
Well that took forever. I hope you liked my notes, and trust me....they are worth reading! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh, and one last thing ::people groan:: shut up....I just wanted to apologize for this chapter taking longer then the others. I had cleaning to do, so forgive me. 


	5. Ironic

Rating- R for language and eventual stuff that isn't appropriate for younger readers.  
  
Author Ramblings- I am so angry at for jumbling my notes at the end of chapter four together! I could just....OOO. I'm sorry about that, I really am. When I typed it out it was all organized and spaced nicely.....but jumbled it up and it was hard to understand what the fuck I was trying to say. Again, I apologize for that...I honestly do. Let's see.....hmm.....well, I got back into drawing, which is why this chapter has taken a while to get out. I drew this wonderful picture of a modern bohemian and then I got all these great pictures taken of me and I got pictures of my friend dressed as a zombie.....Now, to thank my beautiful reviewers!!!!!!!  
  
Bad-Azz-Slytherin Chaos- I AGREE! I need more reviews damnit! But I won't get all angry about it....if I do then people won't read my story, now will they? Heh. Thank you, I pride myself in updating quickly, and I'm actually a lazy ass chick as well, lolo! I'm sorry to hear you're straight ::wink wink:: Just kidding! But I am really glad to hear you have nothing against gays.....I'm bisexual myself (closer to lesbian then straight actually) and I hate it when people get down on me for that. Oh, congrats on graduating! Finally, I would like to say "THANKS JESSICA!"  
  
Bryjin- Thank you! I'm glad you got AIM! Yes, porn is FUNNY! Britney is a dirty slut whore, and I think you're right about the boobs thing. Yes, Tom Felton and Mr. Weasley are in The Borrowers....crazy? YES! The weirdest thing about it is that the bad guy is named 'Mr. Potter'.....so Tom Felton and Mr. Weasley fight Potter? That sounds kind of familiar.....  
  
Zina- Don't worry, a psycho bitch is NOT going to follow them. I just liked having a psycho bitch at Wal-Mart. Draco's character I must admit is slightly OOC, but he's still fun, right? He's turning out to be the comedic relief! The slash is coming, don't worry....I just have to get them drunk first. I am updating now and I hope this was soon enough for you! Byes babe!  
  
Fugazi- Ha ha, I made you review and you did it! MUWAHAHA! Yes....I'm sure there are many a spelling mistake like 'dessert' and 'desert', but it's because they're both spelled correctly so my computer doesn't check it and I don't read over these chapters very well and...er...yeah. I'm babbling, yay! I'm glad you liked the parchment, because I AM going to bring it back....probably for this chapter because I have no idea what to do really.  
  
OK! Well, I'm glad I got so many reviews! OK, so read on...this chapter is most likely going to be full of randomized crap and stuff, so...yeah. Damnit! I'm being forced to order pizza! Shit! I hate ordering pizza! FFFUCK! Fuck, shit and other such explatives! Er...read on! Oh, and disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER..OR WAL-MART OR ANYTHING ELSE REALLY!  
  
Chapter 5- Ironic  
  
They couldn't believe their eyes. They had parked the car right there, and it was gone....Gone, gone gone. What kind of poor bastard would steal a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot?! Harry sighed heavily and began to rummage through their bags for the duffle bags and two backpacks he bought while in the store. He pulled them out and began to open all of the other items from the plastic cases they were packaged in and he started to pack them into the bags. Draco sat down on a rail for returned carts and looked around with a sharp look in his eyes.  
  
"Why don't we just take another car?" Draco mused while adjusting his rather uncomfortable position on the bar.  
  
Harry looked up and smirked deviously. "Pole dancing there, Malfoy?" A metal can hit his head seconds later. He sighed and put that into Draco's backpack, then threw it to him. "I don't think we should do that.....let's just bum a ride like we were doing before." The boy-who- lived stood up, brushed his knees and legs of any dirt and began to head to the nearest road. "I'm not sure where we can try to go this time, but let's just keep moving." He turned back to see Malfoy taking his precious time getting down from the cart returns pole and following him to the road. Potter sprinted back to him, unceremoniously shoved him off of the pole and began to almost drag him towards the road. "WE HAVE TO KEEP MOVING."  
  
Draco slapped Harry's arms and hands until he was let go of, then stood and brushed himself off. "What the bloody fuck is wrong with you, Potter?!" He gave Harry a cold glare before opening his backpack and rummaging through what the other boy had put into it. He stopped when he found a large wad of the supposed money. He looked over to Harry, who was frantically trying to pick up a ride, and was about to say something to him when a large truck pulled up beside the road and the windows rolled down.  
  
A head with a 'Foxy Grandpa' hat and gold teeth stuck its head out of the passenger's window. "Well, fancy meetin' you boys here again." Baxter opened the passenger's door and waved the boys in, who gladly jumped on and buckled up. "So where you boys headin' this time?" Baxter asked as he started the huge truck up and began to plow on.  
  
Harry was about to answer, but Draco beat him to it. "Take us to Ontario." He said as he fished through his backpack for the Alanis Morissette CD.  
  
Baxter smiled and rubbed his shaggy chin. "Why Ontario?" He asked them while he kept his eyes on the road.  
  
Draco pulled out the CD he was looking for and began to rip off the plastic sheet that was over it. "Because it sounds good on the radio." He answered matter-of-factly. He pulled out the lyrics book and handed the CD to Harry. "Baxter, is it all right if we put on a CD?" Draco asked in his most charming voice. Baxter smiled and said it was all right; glancing at the two boys every once in a while as he answered. "Potter, but the CD on." Draco commanded as he began to read the lyrics. Harry sighed and did so without complaint, and decided to sit back while he listened to the music- after all, what's more calming then some music?  
  
LATER......  
  
"IT'S LIKE RAAAAIIIIIIIN, ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! IT'S A FREE RIIIIDE, WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY PAYED! IT'S THE GOOD ADVIIIIICE, THAT YOU JUST DIDN'T TAKE! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT, IT FIGURES!!!!!!!!!"  
  
What Harry REALLY found ironic was that this music didn't soothe him at all......it aggravated him to no end as it became increasingly obvious that Baxter was also a huge fan of Alanis Morissette.....such a fan, in fact, that he knew all of her lyrics...by heart......and loved to sing along......JUST LIKE MALFOY. It wasn't that they were bad singers (even though Baxter was pretty flat) and it wasn't that they sung along to Alanis Morissette.....it was the fact that they ONLY sang along to Alanis Morissette and that this was possibly the hundredth time they had played 'Feast On Scraps'. Harry was excruciatingly close to either killing Malfoy and Baxter, or killing himself.  
  
"Baxter, where are we right now?" Harry asked over the roaring music to their driver. Baxter turned around and looked at Harry as though he forgot he was there, then turned back with a smile on his face.  
  
"We're just outside of Henderson, Nevada." He then pulled off to the side of the road and turned off the music, which Draco took out of the CD player and put away. Baxter turned in his seat so he was facing both the boys and began to talk to them. "Have you two boys ever thought of being with a man? Ever thought of having sex with one before?"  
  
Harry and Draco exchanged looks of confusion and terror before shaking their heads 'no'. Baxter fixed himself up in his seat and continued. "Listen boys...I'd really like it if you guys came with me to Salt Lake City."  
  
Harry grabbed their bags and backpacks in a flash and opened the door to the truck. "Sorry Baxter, but we're really got to get off here.....we forgot we had some business to take care of in Henderson. Come on, Malfoy!" He jumped out of the truck with Draco close by him and frantically walked in the opposite direction that Baxter's truck was going. "Oh dear MERLIN that was so disturbing." He turned to his comrade, who only nodded mutely. "We've got to get another ride, though....do you know any place we can try to go to?"  
  
Draco lay back on the ground next to their bags and racked his brain for any place other then Ontario that he had heard of. "Viva Las Vegas." He finally answered as his heart finally began to calm down. Harry pulled out a piece of parchment from Draco's school bag (which would have normally angered the blonde, but under the circumstances, he didn't mind much) and wrote 'Viva Las Vegas' on it with a marker he had bought from Wal-Mart.  
  
The two boys didn't have to wait long before they were picked up by a couple that were going on vacation to another part of Henderson, Nevada. The two boys piled into the back of the car and began to try to convince the couple to take them all the way to Vegas. "But it's Viva Las Vegas, and Vegas is the perfect place to stay with nice resorts and nice workers in the casinos..." Draco was actually the one who was really trying to convince them, with Harry adding in little tidbits of anything he had ever heard of this 'Vegas'. "People get married there all the time, so it must be nice!"  
  
The couple just kept laughing to themselves with every reason why they should go to Vegas instead. "I'm sorry, but we have family here in Henderson, so I don't think we can possibly take you boys all the way to Vegas!" The two boys fell back with miserable looks on their faces as they watched the sun sink lower and lower into the horizen. The man that was driving eventually pulled over when it was particularly dark and turned around to the boys in the back. "It's the end of the line!" He chimed out happily as Draco and Harry pulled themselves out of the car, grabbed their luggage and gave their thanks.  
  
Harry turned to Draco, who was looking around them in the dark. The boy-who-lived placed his hands on his hips and sat down on one of the duffle bags. "Well, at least this can't get any worse."  
  
That's when it happened- Draco royally snapped. He stormed over to the other boy, kicked the duffle bag out from under his arse and began to scream at him. "It can't get any worse?! IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE?!!! First you relocate us BOTH to America and force me to hitch-hike. Then we have to stay in a DISGUSTING motel where you try to scare the shit out of me by imitating a fucking MOVIE! Then, lo and behold, we don't have any money, so we have to steal a fucking car that has weird things that make things explode inside of it, plus a hand full of what I'm guessing is stolen money, from the way you keep acting about it. Then we drive to a huge store where we meet a psychotic woman and you embarrass the hell out of me! We finally leave the store only to find our ride has been stolen and we have to hitch-hike again! But it's OK, we get picked up by our crazy truck-driving friend Baxter, but oops! He's a fucking PEDOPHILE! Then we get picked up by a couple in Henderson, Nowhereville USA where they drop us off on the side of a more-or-less abandoned road IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT with no fucking idea where we are!"  
  
Harry glared daggers into the other boy and looked up only to have rain drops fall onto his head. "And it's raining."  
  
The blonde threw his hands into the air and was soon cold and wet. "AND IT'S RAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed with all of his might before collapsing onto the ground shivering with cold. "We d-don't even know where the f-f-fuck we are."  
  
The raven haired of the two collected their bags and lightly kicked Draco, who was still curled on the ground shaking. "Come on...I see a tree behind those gates. Let's go stay under that until the storm ends, then we can find a new ride tomorrow."  
  
The two boys trudged through mud and other disgusting grime, every once in a while tripping over some big oddly shaped rocks before they fell underneath the tree Harry had pointed out and curled into the fetal position. "I h-h-heard somewhere that natural body heat can keep people warm better then almost anything elssse...." Draco stuttered and hissed out through chatting teeth. He was steadily turning white, and his lips were turning an unhealthy shade of blue.  
  
Harry nodded his head and without thinking of anything but that he wanted to get warmer and fast, he hugged onto the other boy. "J-j-jeeze you're cold." Harry mumbled out to Draco, but never got any sort of answer as the aforementioned had already fallen asleep. The boy-who-lived leaned against the tree and dug his heels into the mud, trying to figure out exactly where they were before he drifted to sleep.  
  
THE NEXT DAY....  
  
"Maybe they fell out of their coffins." Harry opened his eyes slowly to try to figure out who had said this, and was greeted by two dirty looking men holding shovels. "Hold on Ern, I think this one's still alive...can't say much for the other one, though." Harry began to register what had happened last night, and he immediately shot his head over to the boy laying next to him. Draco had slid away from him last night, and he still looked white. "Ern...poke 'im'."  
  
One of them men, who Harry assumed was 'Ern', began to lightly poke Draco with his shovel. The sleeping boy slowly stirred and woke up, then turned to look at the two men while he began to brush mud off of his clothes and face. "Excuse me...wh-where are we?" Draco asked feebly to the two men.  
  
The other one that wasn't Ern looked down at the two boys with confused looks on their faces. "Well son, you're in The Henderson Cemetary and Funeral Parlour."  
  
Harry and Draco jumped to their feet and looked all around them, only to be greeted by thousands upon THOUSANDS of graves. Tombstones, grave markers, flowers......even where they had spent the night there was a grave. The boys grabbed their things, gave a quick apology, and ran out over to the road. When they finally reached the road they saw a sign nailed to a post that read "Las Vegas- Three Miles Ahead".  
  
Draco stared at the sign in utter disbelief before rounding on the other boy. "Oh yes...let's go stay under that tree through those gates, after all, our destination is ONLY three miles away!!!!!! WE COULD HAVE WALKED!!!!!!!!" The blonde yanked off his backpack that he had slipped on and began to beat the other boy with it.  
  
Harry held up his arms in defense and eventually settled for kicking the other away. He sighed heavily and grabbed the bags from the ground. "Come on already, let's just go!"  
  
The boys walked on in silence, their thoughts too fogged by what had happened to even think of a good retort to give to the other.....that is until Draco's mind finally caught up. "EWWWW!"  
  
Harry turned around to the other boy and sighed in bitter defeat. "What is so gross?"  
  
Draco began to brush his arms off frantically and he hugged his arms around himself. "YOU TOUCHED ME!"  
  
Harry's expression turned to that of a smug one. "Funny......you were dieing to get all over me last night, you know...." He dodged a blow to the head from the other's backpack just in time, then he began to sing under his breath. "And isn't it ironic...don't you think? A little too ironic...and yeah! I really do think....it's like raaaaiiiin, on your wedding day..."  
  
Yes yes, I know, this chapter was really disturbing and weird, but keep in mind this hitch-hiking incident ACTUALLY HAPPENED. OK, so it was my dad, and sure, he was alone, and OK, he was going to New York instead of Las Vegas.....but still, all that happened here happened to him more-or-less. I came up with the title from the song 'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette, which Baxter and Draco sang on the truck ride, and Harry was singing at the very end. I thought it fit this chapter pretty well, hee.....besides, who can pass up Harry being an arse about Draco singing it, but having him sing it when Draco is being an arse? I dunno, I just like weird just like that....if you didn't get it then go find the song, or at LEAST the lyrics to the song. I dunno, this chapter was way different as well, so I hope you all liked it! Please review, and if you have any suggestions, PLEASE make them damnit! Oh, and 'Ern' is short for 'Ernie'. 


	6. And Now for Something Completely Differe...

Summary- This particular chapter is not humorous.....but the next chapter will be very, very funny. I just wanted to show what's going on on the other side of the globe.  
  
Rating- R, for random shit that is not suitable for children, language and of course eventual sexual content of some sort.  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own anything here I don't own. Did that make sense? No. Am I proud? Fuck yeah.  
  
Author Ramblings- Wow......you people must really like insanity. I got my hair cut. It is fun looking, and so I am happy.....whee! Gods I'm tired. It's too late for me to be writing the next chapter, and yet here I am.....  
  
Miro- What are you doooiiing Whoa?  
  
Whoa- Sitting at my compuuuter! Like an idioooot!  
  
Yay Ren and Stimpy! Natalia (my friend in New York) reminded me of that wonderful line from the show. Now for reviews!  
  
High-on-Absinthe- Splendiforous point you made, but allow me to explain the Queens accent! Natalia is from New York....Queens to be exact. In other words, I COMPLETELY based it off of her accent. Oh, and thank you for saying my story is great! Whee! I also noticed my story is on your 'favorite stories' thinger and I am so happy about that! You're such a wonderful person, I think I'll stop scaring you already and let you read the story, whee! PS- Have you seen From Hell by chance? ::Fascinated by Jack the Ripper meself::  
  
Zina- Thank you thank you thank you! What more can I say? You're such a great reviewer! I'm sorry I don't get more reviews...I really wish I did damnit! I hope you don't get in trouble for reviewing at 2 in the morning......I know I would get into deep shit if I were on the computer that early.  
  
Katy Kinneas- Domo arigatou. And yes, I am an American.....I don't take much offense into sounding like one and frankly, I feel like if I'm going to have them go anywhere, they should at LEAST go to a country I know about.....and since they're from Britain, my only other options are Japan and my home country of America. Frankly, I don't know enough Japanese to write a story in it, so......they're in America. Unfortunately they are nowhere near me! YARGH! I also love the humor, the swearing, Draco's panties in a twist and you. You're gorgeous chica, keep it up mon amie! ::Kiss kiss!::  
  
Bryjin- I'm glad you think my work is really funny, and yes, my dad sadly had a 'Baxter' experience...I don't think his name was Baxter, but wouldn't it be ironic if it were? Hee. You could marry me? Yay! I'm holding you on that, lolo, just kidding! Thanks again!  
  
Bad-Azz-Slytherin Chaos- Yes, Draco DOES want Harry all over him....and all night baby, mhm! I can also picture them in Las Vegas....and frankly I can't wait!!!!!!! Now for the tough part of your review....how do I know I like girls.....gosh. Well I'm bisexual, and I know I like girls because yes, I want to do things to them (maybe not put my face between their legs, but something close to it) and I just....I don't know...I really like girls and guys at the same time. Hmm.......well I personally didn't really know until I got a crush on my best friend (at the time)....ever since that incident I've been with two guys and three girls....I don't think it's just a teenage thing, no.....I kind of wish it were sometimes, because then I could probably find more girls....though I sometimes wonder if it's a college thing, lolo. (CHEESY COLLEGE JOKES! BWAHA!) Well, if you ever want to go into detail, please feel free to IM me at AnarchyMoose100 via AOL Instant Messenger. Or, if you want, you can go to my webpage at and sign my guestbook. Thank you for reviewing, and much love back to you, Jessica.  
  
Tasnan15- Yes, I am hurrying to update again, and yes...Draco is being very mean, but that's why I fell in love with him....and isn't it why we love assholes? OK, maybe that's going too far....I mean I don't like assholes, but I guess I love Draco anyway. Er...babbling! Lolo! Thanks again!  
  
loverofsugar- I am lazy, too, so no worries. I'm glad you got a bunch of my jokes (I think most people didn't know the one with The Borrowers) and I'm glad you like my story so much! I'm glad I get an 'A', because if I didn't I would scream.....and scream and scream and scream....and then I would explode. Thank you Gabi, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well!  
  
Lyla Hayden- Yes, it is funny, and I will write more....MUWAHAHA!  
  
Fugazi- I might put George Bush bashing into it (I do hate Bush pretty much) but don't exactly count on it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
  
true-fly- No, I did not know the dude that played King Aragorn was in Psycho....which version? And thank you, I am glad you loved my story so much!  
  
Alpha Slave- I made you read this, lolo. I'm glad you thought this was funny shiznet, hee.  
  
Well that's it so far! OH! I WOULD LIKE TO ANOUNCE THAT I HAVE A NEW STORY OUT! It is called 'Waste' and it is a fluffy one-shot with slash.....yay! YAY YAY YAY! Oh, and to answer a question I got for that story- no, the song 'Waste' is not an original by moi. It is a song by Phish and you should all get it right this moment. NOW!!!!!!!!! YAAAARGH! Anyhow, this chapter takes place back at Hogwarts (GASP!).......it is to show what is happening while Harry and Draco are away. Read on!  
  
Chapter 6- And Now For Something Completely Different  
  
A lot can happen in a short amount of time. Within every other second a person dies. Within every other second a child is born. A grizzly bear can run over 100 yards in six seconds. The speed of light can travel about one foot in a nanosecond. There are 86,400 seconds in a day, 600,000 seconds in a week and 525,600 minutes in a year. It had been approximately four days since Harry and Draco were relocated.  
  
A lot can happen in a short amount of time.  
  
Hermione and Ron sat as still as they could in the broomcloset until they heard Millicent Bulstrode pass by them. Hermione let out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding, then turned to Ron in the closet. "Ron......we HAVE to tell the professors about this!"  
  
Ron gave an incredulous look to Hermione and shook his head frantically. "They're busy trying to find Harry and Malfoy, they wouldn't want to hear from us about this, 'Mione!" His voice was low and hushed so as not to attract the attention of any raving Slytherins.  
  
You see, ever since Harry and Draco had left, the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor had increased to an all-time high. Who would have thought that the re-location of two boys would cause such a commotion? Well obviously, everyone......Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter were only the most famous boys of their houses (and with a few people in other houses as well)....it was only natural that everyone missed them enough to tear the school apart.  
  
Hermione stepped out of the closet cautiously and looked down the t- p'd corridor. She began to hurriedly walk down it when she saw a huge flood of water head her way, which caused her to run in the opposite direction. Ron followed in her tracks, looking back every once in a while at the raging water, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was coming up in the direction they were running in- Millicent Bulstrode, Blaise Zabini, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and of course....their ruthless (and highly bitchy) leader...Pansy Parkinson.  
  
Pansy stepped before the other Slytherins and smiled maliciously. "You two are in Slytherin turf. We would normally beat you to a bloody pulp, but as you're friends with Potter.....we'll be taking your things as well." Hermione looked over Pansy's shoulder to see Crabbe grinning widely. She heard loud cracking sounds, and realized Goyle had just cracked all of his knuckles in one swift move. Ron suddenly pointed behind the Slytherins at nothing with his mouth agape and began to run in the opposite direction into the water, with Hermione following close behind.  
  
"That was too bloody close, 'Mione!" Ron yelled over the sound of rushing water as they trudged on as quickly as they could through the small flood. "We're lucky those Slytherins are so stupid." Hermione nodded her head in agreement at what Ron said, then forced the red-haired boy to stop and let her catch her breath. "'Mione.....c'mon, we've got to keep moving!" Ron grabbed at Hermione's arm and tried to get her to go with him, but it was no use.  
  
Just then, someone roughly shove the two into the water. Hermione and Ron coughed and sputtered as they re-emerged, only to be greeted by the fiery eyes of Pansy Parkinson. Pansy motioned Millicent Bulstrode over to hold down Hermione, and for Crabbe to hold down Ron. Soon the remaining members of the Gryffindor dream team were being held by their collars high into the air and staring into the faces of ugly, and uglier. Ron let out a feeble squeak before Crabbe's fist met his jaw, and Hermione squealed, "I wish Harry were here!"  
  
Meanwhile, however, in the depths of a land far off, two boys were boozing themselves silly and singing in a deep slur.  
  
I am so sorry this chapter took forever to get out. I'm also sorry it's not very humorous....I know it's not, trust me. The next chapter will be humorous again....I just felt like showing what was happening back home. Don't worry! I won't be doing that again for QUITE a while! I just needed a break from the goofy......and I needed a break from life so I wrote this crap. Mhm. Like I said, the next chapter will be muy humorous, so KEEP READING. DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME.  
  
Anymoose, I would like to end this with the following notes.....  
  
Read my story 'Waste', it's HP/DM, and it's a good one-shot, so READ IT DAMN YOU!  
  
Read my story 'Cleaning My Closet'...this is like, my second or third (maybe even fourth) time I've had to tell you people....READ IT ALREADY! It's a bit angsty and dramatic....but it's good.  
  
Drop off any suggestions you have for future chapters.....and like I said, I will not be doing another like this one AGAIN......or at least for a long long time. 


	7. Karaoke 'Dance' Party

Rating- R, for language and (finally) slashified goodness (it's not explicit yet, but it is slash!)

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter.....bastards.

Authoress Ramblings- Bonjourno everyone! I know, I know....a lot of you are probably dissapointed with how the last chapter was....to tell the truth I'm dissapointed! I know, I know...it's a humor story, and the last chapter was NOT humorous....you do not have to tell me, I wrote it. But here's the deal- I really wanted to take a break from Draco and Harry.....I was starting to run out of ideas! But I went back, did some thinking and came up with my newest diabolical scheme. MUWAHAHA! Anymoose, appy polly loggies again for the craptacular chapter before this one. Now to thank my beautiful reviewers!

Bryjin- I'm glad you didn't give up on me...I'm really happy, hee hee!

Bad-Azz-SlytherinChaos- You are about to find out what Harry and Draco do when they're drunk...MUWAHAHAHA! I don't think I would like it if my school were like that, because if it were there'd be more fighting then there already is! But, then again, I win most fights I get into. So, you think you're bi? Understandable....a lot of people don't know until people give them a nudge (or in my case a shove and a push). I'm on AIM more-or-less constantly....When are you on AIM? OH! If you want you could also IM me at yahoo, my sn is the same as for AIM. I hope to talk to you soon, Jessica!

Dibs- You should be very disturbed most of the really humorous stuff actually happened.....but at the same time highly amused! And yes, I love the giant drag queen idea, and I will use it in the next chapter. Thank you, I'm glad you like the story so far!

TheForbiddenChild22- Yes, I love how the story started off as well....I really need to bring that journal back, don't I?

Fugz- ::**Sweatdrops::** You gave me a shit loud of reviews in my other story.....you are crazy, lolo. You will not BELIEVE how long it took me to get those random facts! It took like, FOREVER AND A HALF! Well, I can't believe anyone would beat up anyone, but it happens anyway....besides, Hermione's getting beaten up by a fellow girl, so it's okay.

LoverofSugar- The ferret and Potter are doing......well........you'll see. Lolo. Hope you ate something if you're hungry!

Parvait- Yes, I know my ramblings are as long as my writing....and yeah, it sucks dookie. I just like to answer everyone's reviews, and frankly some of these chapters I can't make any longer for plot (and sanity) purposes. Don't worry......I'm going to try and make this chapter much longer, JUST for you. I mean it. Otherwise it would be a short little shit thing. Anymoose, thanks for reviewing, and I would like to comment that I don't think anyone really gave a crap what was happening to Ron and Hermione, but like I said, I was out of ideas for Harry and Draco.

Chapter 7- Karaoke 'Dance' Party

They didn't remember exactly how it had happened, but they were staying in a swanky hotel in Viva Las Vegas. The lights, the people....the booze! Already Harry had downed seven scotch and sodas, and Draco had had more then his fair share of White Russians. The two boys had gone from buzzed, to tipsy, to full blown drunk off their rockers within thirty minutes. At the moment they were at the bar, and singing rather loudly....

"STREETS LIKE A JUNGLE, SO CALL THE POLIIIIICE! FOLLOWING THE HEEERD, OUT TO GREECE....ON HOLIDAY!!!!!!! LOVE IN THE NINETIEEEEES...IS PARANOOOOID! ON SUNNY BEEEEEACHES...TAKE YOUR CHAAAAANCES LOOKING FOR-GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS, WHO LIKE BOYS TO BE GIRLS, WHO DO BOYS LIKE THEY'RE GIRLS, WHO DO GIRLS LIKE THEY'RE BOYS! ALWAYS SHOULD BE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!" The two boys were hanging over one another and singing in very heavy, very slurred accents and gulping down their booze. Actually, Harry was fighting back hearty bursts of laughter, while Draco was belting out the lyrics at random people walking by. The golden boy sat back heavily on his bar stool and was gradually turning red as he watched the other boy dance around and scream out the lyrics to 'Girls vs. Boys'. "AVOIDING ALL WOOOOORK, 'CAUSE THERE'S NONE AVAILABLLLLLE! LIKE BATTERY THINKERRRRRS, COUNT YOUR THOOOOUUUUUUGHTS, ON ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR....FIVE FINGERS! NOTHING IS WAAAASTED.....ONLY REPRODUUUUCED! YOU GET NASTY BLIIIIISTERS, DU BIST SEHR SCHON, BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCED!!!!!!!!!!"

Harry spat out a mouthful of scotch and soda onto the bartender, and fell onto the ground laughing as Draco put his finger entirely into his mouth in a suggestive manner at the 'you get nasty blisters' line. The bartender angrily pointed to the door out of the bar, which lead into another room with karaoke machines. The boy-who-lived and the heir to the Malfoy fortune stumbled drunkenly into the karaoke bar, and were met by the many stares of fur-coated propers trying to enjoy a nice, relaxing vacation in Vegas.

Harry was the first to regain composure enough to realize that they were standing in front of a stage with an audience.....well, natural urges are so hard to control, non? It didn't take long before he was requesting a song and heading up to the stage. He grabbed a hold of the microphone and smiled drunkenly to the audience, only to receive a rather bitter look in return. He ignored the looks, however, as he was frightfully drunk, and just went along with the beat of the music....that is, until he remembered he was in a karaoke bar, and he began to sing.

"I am the ex-offender, they let me out in the summer......I think I was in a coma; I didn't know what to do, oh no." Harry slurred out with a thick tongue, mysteriously managing to still sound out each syllable. "Go round, go round, go round! I'll watch myself, hang on, look out for the bugman!" Harry sang while spinning around dizzily. "Go round, go round, go round, I watch myself hang on, look out for the bugman!!!"

Draco, who was sitting at a table with some very huffy propers, began to drum on the table loudly in time with the music. He was also mumbling drunkenly to people around him, mostly saying this such as 'He's with me, but we're not married' and 'Don't you just want to hurt him?'. The propers exchanged frightened looks before leaving Draco alone to his 'drumming'.

The golden boy, however, went on singing. "I got no sense of existence...I know the nodding dogs. I go out in the city, I stay away from the bugs!" Harry then repeated his spinning, only this time stumbled as he stopped and nearly fell over. "Go round, go round, go round! I'll watch myself, hang on, look out for the bugman! Buh-uh-uh-ug man! The buh-uh-uh-ug man! The buh-uh-uh-uh-ug man!!!!!!!!!!" Harry slurred out, then began to bang his head in time to the music, while Draco cheered and cat-called. "I go out in the city! I stay away from the bugs, oh yeah!" Harry was spinning 'round and 'round once more, singing loudly into the microphone. "I go out in the cit-ay! I go out in the cit-ay!!! Look out for the bugman! Look out for the bugman!" The boy-who-lived abruptly stopped and stared down the crowd with cloudy eyes. "Stay away from the (ooo ooo) bugs......stay away from the (ooo ooo)....BUGS." The music went on, bombarding the ears of the propers, and peeving them just a wee bit. Harry didn't seem to notice, or care, as he lay on the stage and wriggled around oddly. "Space is the place.....space is the place! Space is the play-hay-hace, space is the place...." He mumbled on into the microphone as the music finally came to an end.

The blonde of the two boys clapped and whistled above the angry murmurs traveling among the propers, then stood up and practically ran over to the stage. Draco began to poke and prod Harry until he got up off of the stage and joined the propers in the audience. Draco half skipped, half stumbled over to the request booth, then moved to the stage, where he mussed up his hair and grabbed the microphone. "WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Harry laughed obnoxiously at his 'accomplice', and lit a lighter he bought at Wal-Mart.

Draco flipped off the other boy, which greatly upset a few propers that decided it was high time to leave. The propers remaining were grumbling to each other bitterly. A few were about to tell Draco off, when they were blown back by drumming and a guitar blasting through the speakers. The propers wildly shot their heads towards the stage, and watched as the blonde began to jump around insanely. What really blew them back, however, was what song the blonde chose....

"Right! Now.......ahahahaha!" Draco gave the propers a very nasty smirk, then began to sing loudly into the mic. "I am an anti-Christ! I am an anarchist! Don't know wot I want, but I know how to get it! I wanna destroy passer by, 'cos IIII, wanna beeeee yeah! Anarchyyyyy! No dogs funny!" The propers were speechless...and frankly, they were scared shitless. "Anarchy for the UK, it's coming sometime and maybe, I give a wrong time stop a traffic line, your future dream is a shopping scheme! Cause IIII......wanna beeee.....anarchyyyyyy!"

Harry in the meantime had jumped on top of one of the tables, where he jumped about as wildly as Draco. "It's in the city!" Draco went on, only now he was starting to get a bit violent with his 'dancing'. So far he had knocked over the mic stand, kicked in an amplifier and was in the process of kicking another in. Still, he slurredly sang on.

"How many ways to get what you want?! I use the best, I use the rest! I use the enemy, I use ANARCHY! Cause IIII.....wanna beeee.......anarchy! It's the only way to be!!!!!!" Draco jumped off of the stage entirely as the music trudged on, and jumped atop one of the proper's tables, where he began kicking the glasses over. he crouched down so he was nearly at eye-level with a small group of propers, then continued singing. "Is this the MPLA? Or is this the UDA? Or is this the IRA?! I thought it was the UK!" A few propers exchanged frightened and confused looks, but stopped when Draco slammed his hand onto the table in font of them. "Or just ! Another council tenancy!!!"

Harry was laughing madly as Draco sang on (only now he was on the floor, as he fell off the table a while ago). "IIIIII wanna beeeee.......anarchyyyyyy! And IIIII, wanna beeeee......anarchyyyy!!!!! Oh what a name!!!!!" Draco jumped up from his crouching position and jumped on the (now unsteardy) table. "IIIIII, wanna beee....YEAH! An anarchist!!!! I get pissed, DESTROYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" With this Draco yanked on the table cloth to the table, only he was standing on it. Unfortunately the blonde, along with the table, fell to the ground.

The last of the propers left with disgusted looks on their faces, yelling out things such as 'How rude!' and 'This is the last time we have a funeral get-together in THIS town!'. Draco and Harry laughed painfully on the floor, but stopped when they were pulled into the air by security and thrown out of the karaoke bar. The two boys stared at one another, then burst into a furious fit of giggles.

"Oh my Merlin that was priceless! Didjou see their faces? They were SO scared!" Draco fumbled out quickly to Harry, who nodded madly and laughed harder then before.

The two boys shakily rose from the ground, clung to one another and headed over to the elevators. It took a good five minutes to calm down their giggling enough to concentrate on what floor they were staying on, and another fifteen or so to remember which room all together they were staying in. After a good deal of bickering, giggling and stumbling, the boys finally made it to their hotel room.

Harry lay lounging on the bed......actually, he was slightly hopping because the other boy was jumping up and down in a rush to burn his excess energy. "You look so ffffffucking childish." Harry grumbled out, even though he had a smile plastered onto his face.

Draco looked down at Harry while hopping about, stuck out his tongue and fell onto the bed beside Harry. He sat cross-legged while lightly hopping until Harry put a hand on his knee to make him stop. The blonde started wildly down at Harry, and poked the boy in his stomach, who squeaked in response. "Oooh, sensitive are we?" Before Harry could protest, Draco was kneeling beside him and giving him pokes all over his chest. "Say 'uncle'!"

Harry fought off the poking as best he could....then Draco began to tickle him. "UNCLE! Uh-uncle, aha!" Harry sputtered out between hearty bursts of laughter. Draco obliged to his cries and stopped tickling the boy, only to yelp in surprise as he was shoved back onto the bed. "Now you'll get yours....." The raven-haired of the two muttered as he began to tickle the other boy trapped in his clutches.

"N-no! N-not th- aha! Not there!" Draco squealed as Harry began to tickle his sides, neck and back. "Th-that's sensitive!" He cried out over the other's maddening giggles.

Harry quirked an eyebrow as he laughed on. "Sensitive? How sensitive are we talking?"

The blonde grasped his chest, wiped a few tears from his eyes from laughing so hard, and tried his best to calm down. "It's sensiti-tive." Draco stuttered. He looked up at the other boy's face, who was smiling and held a mischevious glint in his eyes. All Draco could do was gulp before Harry was running his hands over the said 'sensitive' spots. "No..r-really...you shou-" Draco tried to say, but his mind was slowly floating away.

At first the boy-who-lived thought Draco's reactions were a laugh riot, but soon he thought they were VERY interesting. Instead of squirming underneath him, the blonde had his eyes closed and was looking quite content. Harry stopped his supposed attack on the other boy, who in return hissed under his breath. "You're sensitive.......how?"

Pale lids quickly slid open to reveal nervous gray eyes that were fixated on Harry's confused emerald ones. Draco tried looking down, but with the view he was given (his and Harry's crotches) he decided to look to the side instead. "I......er......"

It was bad enough that alcohol was flooding his mind.....but in addition to what Harry had been doing, eh wasn't thinking straight.....and in more then one way, too. "Er......they're....uh....turn-on spots." He finally mumbled out. He shut his eyes tight in wait of Harry to do something.....get off of him, tell him he's sick.....something along those lines. He was quite surprised when he felt hands rubbing his 'spots' once more. "Wh-....what?" He finally spluttered to the other boy. When he got no response he turned his head to face Harry, who had the same smile on his face.

The raven haired boy reduced the distance between them while his hands moved slowly up and down Draco's sides. "I've kind-of wanted to do this for a while...." Harry slurred out to the other boy. "Is it okay?"

Draco's eyes fluttered closed as he nodded. "Ffffeeeeel ffffffreeeeee......" Was all he could say. He slowly opened his eyes in time to see the other boy lean down and close the distance between them with a kiss. Draco's eyes shut while his arms snaked around Harry's neck. Colors were flooding his eyes, music seemed to fill his mind, and scotch suddenly became the greatest taste to ever invade his mouth.

Oh I am so fucking evil....so evil. I leave you with them kissing on a bed in Vegas........BWAHAHAHA! Anyway, I would like to apologize for the length it took for me to get this chapter out.....you see, I was gone for a week on vacation, and it took me a long time to get my bearings back. But I finally did it....I FINALLY made a longish chapter.....trust me, this one is a lot longer then others. It was also unbelievably hard to write! So for those of you complaining that my chapter are too short, or I took too long to update, just remember this.....for me, I just typed out FIVE, count 'em FIVE pages or story, so deal with the fact they get shorter on , because I am SICK of working on this chapter. On a lighter note, I finally added the slash....if you don't like slash then die. No, I'm just playing! All I request is that you DO NOT flame my story for the reason it contains slash....if you do I will be extremely angered. I am so sick of people doing that....it's just rude. Anyhow, thanks ahead of time for reviewing, and I leave you with some notes on the chapter!

Scotch and soda- Okay.....we probably all know the song 'Stacy's Mom' and the theme to Crank Yankers was done by Fountains of Wayne.....but they have other (and better) songs. On the album 'Welcome Interstate Managers', they have a song called 'Bright Future in Sales', where the song goes "Sleepin' on a planner at the port authority/Waiting for my bus to come/seven scotch-and-sodas at the office party..." so on and so forth.....anyway, that's where I got the drink for Harry. It's a great song, check it out, by the way.

White Russian- If you read my other story 'Cleaning My Closet' you would know a White Russian is vodka mixed with cream....from my understanding. Anyway, I saw the movie 'The Big Lebowski', and in it The Dude constantly drinks these things.....again, I had to pay homage to the greats, right? Also, one of the movies they bought is 'The Big Lebowski'.....check it out, it's awesomely good.

Streets like a jungle.....- This is a song by Blur called 'Girls vs. Boys'.

Draco put his finger entirely into his mouth....- Yes yes....okay, in the video to 'Girls vs. Boys', the lead singer of Blur (Damon Albarn) immersed his entire finger into his mouth at the 'you get nasty blisters' line.....I thought it was so funny that I had Draco do it, too.

Propers- This is a term I made up for high-class, swanky rich snobs. I don't hate propers.....I can't because my dad's side of the family is full of them.....but whatever, I dislike the idea of them.

I am the ex-offender....- Well in case you didn't guess the name of the song is 'Bugman', another wonderful song by Blur. It's really fun to go insane to, and it sounds really weird. I also drew a picture to this song, so I felt like having SOMEONE sing it.

I am an anti-Christ...- Oh my GODS you people are sad if you do not know this song. It's 'Anarchy in the UK' by The Sex Pistols. it's wonderfully punk, and I am in love with Johnny Rotten's singing....I simply am. He rolls every 'r', and I fucking love it. Listen to these songs, by the way, if you have not already!

...exchanged frightened and confused looks....- Ah yes....they're afraid of Draco's song (and him) naturally, but why confused? Here's the deal; Las Vegas is in America, and Draco just sang 'I thought this was the UK', which implies he might think he's still in the United Kingdom.

This is the last time we have a funeral get-together....- Again...paying homage. There's a show called 'Six Feet Under' where one of the episodes a funeral home get-together is held in Las Vegas...I liked the idea of the propers working for funeral homes....I'm not sure why, but I do.

...poked the boy in the stomach, who squeaked in response.- I like to poke people. Pokey poke poke. It's fun. Anyway, my friend Claire squeaks whenever you poke her, wherever you poke her....it's great fun.

"Say 'uncle'!"- GODS I hate being tickled. Growing up whenever my parental units would tickle me, they would make me scream 'uncle', and then they had the fucking guts to make me guess which fucking uncle. I hate this game with a passion....yet I put it in.

Sides, neck and back- Ah yes....Draco's turn-on spots. Those are actually my turn-on spots.....seriously, try ghosting your hands over these spots...it feels gooooooooood.

...scotch suddenly became the greatest taste....- I felt like adding this in to remind you all that Harry drank SEVEN, count 'em SEVEN scotch-and-sodas.....he's gonna seriously taste like scotch.

Well, that concludes this chapter! The next one will come in sooner, I PROMISE!


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